: Ms. Kessler, what’s behind the image of the grumpy old man? Is bitterness an aging phenomenon?
Eva-Marie Kessler: A counter-question: When did you actually encounter such a person in the last year? And in the last twelve months, haven’t you met a complaining person around forty? Despite a variety of loss experiences, the majority of older people are surprisingly content with life. If we perceive our lifetime as finite, we focus on the beneficial and meaningful, avoid stress and draining exertion. In aging psychology we speak of the positivity effect.
In interview: Eva-Marie Kessler
She works as a psychological psychotherapist heading the university outpatient clinic “Psychotherapy in Old Age” at the Medical School Berlin. In the project “Vision-Age” (www.vision-age.de) she offers age-sensitive online group psychotherapy.
: That is also the term “altersmilde.” So is the opposite the case? Do people become more composed with age?
Kessler: For no age group are there as many – and also as contradicting – stereotypes as for older people. Of course one can and should always ask how much truth lies in stereotypes, including age stereotypes. But that does not bring us closer to the truth about the plurality of aging. If you let stereotypes strongly guide you, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy and we then treat older people accordingly.
: If in old age you take stock of life, perhaps of missed opportunities, become lonelier or are angry at the changing world – wouldn’t that be a reason to become embittered?
Kessler: Everyone needs, while working through their own biography, someone who listens, asks questions and helps them understand and accept themselves. Anger is indeed a very exhausting emotion. Our physiological system becomes less flexible with aging; blood pressure rises more quickly in stressful situations. Aging bodies respond to that: the experience of anger decreases notably with age.
: The typical grumpiness, to me, is not only old, but also male. Are men predisposed to bitterness?
Kessler: There is no scientific evidence for that either. Depression, for example, occurs in women – even in old age – almost twice as often as in men.
: What about depression in old age? Doesn’t the term also imply that life satisfaction in old age is precarious?
Kessler: Late-life depression is a misleading term, because it suggests that aging is the cause of depression. There is a distinction between late-onset depressions, which first appear in old age, and early-onset depressions, which existed in the first half of life. Both phenomena occur at roughly the same frequency. However, milder depressive symptoms are considerably more common in older people. They can also require treatment, because otherwise there is a risk that they could develop into a more severe form.
: What can relatives do when they notice that partner, sister, or father is constantly dissatisfied?
Kessler: Reflecting this behavior back to the other person can be an eye-opener. If the “nagging” occurs within the framework of a depression, it is important not to induce guilt – following the motto: “Just stop it now; you’re not even trying to see the positive.” The inner situation of the person affected must be acknowledged – for example: “I see what situation you’re in” – without letting oneself be infected by the depressive worldview. Concrete offers of help are also important. And: always notice small positive changes and show appreciation for them.
: What has to happen for one to become content in old age?
Kessler: As an older person, you face the developmental task of being able to perceive positive memories in life, successes, but also disappointments and defeats. Reconciliation with negative aspects of your own biography is important in order not to feel as though you have to relive life, and not to plunge into despair because of it. If you can bring all of that together, it leads to greater self-acceptance and renewed energy for the future.
: And how does bitterness arise?
Eva-Marie Kessler: Bitterness reactions occur when people experience devaluation, breaches of trust, or injustice, whether in the professional or private context. When bitterness becomes pathological, we speak of a “Posttraumatic Bitterness Disorder” (PTED). People with such a disorder are often perceived as quarreling types – yes, perhaps as a crank. Their experience is dominated by anger, fury, hostility, disappointment, and shame. I am not aware of clear evidence that PTED occurs more frequently in old age than in younger age groups.
: In your university outpatient clinic you also practice “Life Review Therapy.” What is that about?
Eva-Marie Kessler: This therapeutic approach is mainly suitable for patients who wrestle with the past. For those who constantly compare life as it is with how it could have been. These patients often search for explanations for what they have become without obtaining a satisfying answer. The aim is to reduce experiences of shame and guilt and to develop a more flexible, positive, differentiated narrative of the self. To that end, patients also learn to perceive and understand negative autobiographical experiences in terms of their significance for their own life story.
: Can one start building mental resilience for aging already in youth?
Eva-Marie Kessler: Numerous studies show that the perception and evaluation of one’s own aging have a decisive influence on how one actually ages. Therefore we should start early to learn to love our own aging.
